Metal and Muffins

My Life This Week

2012-02-12T11:40:00.000-08:00

The pretty fucking boring things that I have put in my mouth or have happened in my boring life recently, not in any particular order…

McDonald’s Baked Cookies and Cream Pie - DON’T DO IT!!! What a waste of 250 calories. It’s supposed to be an Oreo type pie but it’s basically a chocolate-ish flavoured crust filled with marshmallow fluff. It doesn’t even come close to my s’mores pie and was pretty gross.

I didn’t eat it, my mom did. I swear! No, really, I had a root canal this week under sedation (the only fucking way a root canal was going to happen and so worth the money). I couldn’t eat for 12 hours prior to visiting the evil dentist. By the time everything was said and done, I hadn’t eaten in 16 hours and was famished. I suggested the McVomit drive-thru for a cheeseburger, thinking it would be soft and easy enough to eat with the non-violated side of my mouth.

Oh New York visit to see Puss, you were the holiday that just kept giving. Two years later and I’m finally getting those severely damaged nerves pulled out of my face.

I get a cheeseburger, ma gets a pie, we head back to Palais Bouvier (ma n pa’s). She let me have a bite, it was so fucking gross. I understand the temptation to want to try something that looks promising enough to be an Oreo pie but it’s a lie. Don’t look surprised when McVomit’s lies to you.

While I’m talking about the root canal, let me share with you why it was such a shit show. Because the nerve damage in my face is so bad from the NYC fall, the last time I went to replace (replace, not get a new) filling on the very back tooth in the top left of my mouth, I had to get three needles and could still feel it. That filling fell out, yet again, so I just dealt with it for three weeks prior to root canalism. Water would send shooting pain into my brain, back of eyeballs and to my fingertips upon contact of the site; hot, warm or cold. That’s why sedation was decided best.

I woke up mid-procedure. It’s pretty foggy but I remember starting to open my eyes with dental block in place, fingers in my mouth and talking around me. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be awake. I started looking at the dentist, her assistant and the drug dude hoping that one of them would notice. A quick breathy grunt and thankfully one of them did. I heard, “Uh oh, she’s coming around”, heard some movement and then, thankfully, nothing else shortly after that. Zzzzzz…*drool*

I’m sure that I felt like my eyes were wide open with eyes searching desperately for someone to notice that I was coming around in my head. I know the reality was that the little slits in my head were slightly cracked with miniscule amounts of eyeball showing and that’s when I heard voices and realized that I was coming to. Hey, that’s why Dr Good TImes (aka, the guy who jabbed the IV in me and pumped me full of drugs) and his two nurses are paid for, to notice. I’m glad they caught on quick.

When I did finally come around when I was supposed to, I was super hazy. I had trouble with up and down movements, specifically when I mumbled “Ihabtahbee” , then tried to go to the bathroom right afterwards. I was okay to walk but my words did not make sense at all. After the McVomit stop, some chats at Palais Bouvier (Maman Bouvier said that full sentences were present but that I would swap out words with other ones that start with the same letter. For example, once I used the word mushroom instead of mind. Another time I said learning instead of letting) were had and that’s when they realized that I needed a lie down.

I fell onto the couch wearing my clothes, a housecoat, slippers and covered by a blanket in front of the TV. Nana came over with a fresh cheese scone just out of the oven and told me to eat it because a “leedle cheeseboorguhr iz naht real foot”. Oh bless her. I had just taken my pain meds and was starting to feel sleepy. I put my head down, started slowly eating my scone but it all starts to get fuzzy after that. Apparently I put 1/3 of a small scone in my mouth but my chewing functions were not with me. Scone to mouth? Yes. Scone chewed? Yes. Scone swallowed?

I fell asleep. I woke up with a huge whack of scone goo in my cheek. I chewed but had not swallowed anything put in my face. For fuck sakes, I could have asphyxiated in my own goddamned home on my own goddamned couch if that’s what I had wanted! Thanks for looking after me familia! *eye roll* I felt like an over-tranquilized farm animal.

Wine Men of Gotham - This one is for Batfoot and our “bought it for the label” mission to try new wines. Australian 2008 Shiraz, really jammy with a chocolate taste and slightly savoury. Dark cherries is what I taste first, then plum, chocolate, followed by a savoury spice. Nice mouth feel. For $17, it was worth the palate tickle.

Stick Me - Yeah! I got stickers!

I have no reason as to why I decided to make these but I did. TeamBuy had a deal on custom stickers for $10 so I said, “Why the fuck not?” Just for fun. That’s what I came up with. One went on my fridge and now I still have 15 left but not a clue as to what to do with them. Whatever, I was entertained at the time.

Paula Dean’s Grilled Cheese and Bacon Jalapeno Poppers - A gathering made me have to come up with some sort of appie to bring and I have been thinking about doing something like this for a while. At a Christmas gathering a couple of months ago, someone had made something similar and they were fucking delicious. Who doesn’t love jalapeno poppers? Who wouldn’t love a jalapeno popper wrapped in bacon?

I did some interwebs prowling, liked Paula Dean’s recipe but decided to add some Moonbeam touches to it. Below is Paula Dean’s recipe with part of my stuffed mushroom recipe added to it.

Jalapeno Poppers Wrapped in Bacon

½ c cream cheese, softened

½ c Monterrey jack cheese, grated

½ tsp black pepper

½ tsp onion powder

¼ tsp cayenne pepper

4 tbsp cilantro, chopped

12 large jalapeno peppers

1 pkg bacon, uncooked

Prepare a medium-hot grill or preheat broiler. If using the broiler, prepare line a rimmed baking sheet with aluminum foil.

In a small bowl, mix together the cheeses. Add back pepper, onion powder, cayenne, cilantro and stir together.

Using a paring knife, cut off the top of the jalapenos and reserve. Scoop out the veins and seeds, discarding both. Stuff the cheese mixture inside the peppers, packing tightly. Replace the cap on each pepper. Using a toothpick or skewer, skewer the peppers lengthwise from the bottom through the cap.

Wrap a slice of bacon, top to bottom, around each pepper, covering the cap, and secure with a toothpick. Put the peppers on the grill, or if broiling, put them on the prepared baking sheet.

Grill or broil, turning occasionally, until the bacon is crisp and the peppers are tender, about 20 minutes. Transfer to a serving platter and serve. Undelicately shove into your mouth hole.

European Invasion - Oh, hello Europe. It will be nice to see you again in September. Dear Amsterdam, one more kick at the can, hey? You are an amazing city, I am an amazing woman. Batfoot, Nat, possibly Lola and I will wander from Amstel sign to Amstel sign (as I always do, with technique perfected by moi and The Puss a few years ago), hang out in your parks, museums, galleries and major brewery. I’ve heard you’re not letting my kind into your coffee shops anymore. That’d better be a lie. You might have one of the original brethren coming home, don’t fuck this up, m’kay?

Dear Paris, don’t change sweetheart. Love you and can’t wait to be in(side) of you.

Dear gypsy country of Romania, I’m thinking of extending my visit by a week, letting the others leave without me (unless they have the time to play) and meeting Prunella for a week of gallivanting around the Eastern Block. Knowing Pru, she probably won’t let me in to the gypsy disease she calls home but instead make me spend time in Italy. Boo, fucking hoo. Last time Puss and I went to meet her we ended up on beautiful beaches in Greece instead of the Block. I won’t mind.

Standing in the Shadows of Motown - Not gonna lie, as much as I love metal, I love Motown. There’s something about these songs that can sound so sad and happy at the same time. This documentary was on the group of session musicians that called themselves “The Funk Brothers”. These guys backed every single hit to come out of Motown. Amazing and I highly recommend you find this documentary from 2002.

A Fun Way to Waste Time With Slayer

2012-02-06T17:58:00.000-08:00

http://hirschkraft.com/explotor/

Dear Slayer,

I miss you. Please release your new album.

Kind retards,

Moonbeam Bouvier

What the Superbowl Means to Me

2012-02-05T15:00:00.000-08:00

A good excuse to drink beer on a Sunday afternoon.

Sausage Making, Round 2

2012-02-04T20:06:00.000-08:00

This. I’m excited for this. Last summer I took part in 2 classes held at Big Lou’s Butcher shop. One on how to butcher a pig, another on how to make sausage. The sad part is that I haven’t had the opportunity to use either. It’s not often I have access to whole pigs or sheep intestines, but I’ve been dying to something similar again. Wish answered.

This time around, at Save-On Meats, I get to learn how to make cheese. Something tells me that this might be easier than sawing apart a pig and then delicately removing the most sought after bits without mutilating the beautiful jewels of tenderloin, ribs, jowl, etc. I’m so stoked!

The second class covers another fine art, sausagery and baconery. The refresher in how to make sausage will be more than welcome and the opportunity to learn how to make bacon…I don’t think words can even describe how funny in my pants this makes me feel. Think me hugging a pancetta whole.

This kinda reminds me about a valentine’s day e-card I saw not too long ago that would be perfect for someone to give me. You know, if there was someone out there that was actually lucky enough to be trying to get into my pants this card holiday.

Whatever. Nat, Ty and I will we be a fucking tricycle of fun, all pig handling and shit. Not sure when yet but Nat e-mailed today asking for our classes to be booked sooner than later. *girlie pig squeal*

You know what else I’m really excited about? Staying home tonight and spending some quality time with my couch. Not near 1500 people that I work with? Getting to go to sleep whenever I feel like it? Don’t get me wrong, Calgary is really boring and all but those 2 days in full day conferences and then fabulous evening events that didn’t have anyone in bed by a reasonable hour may have aged me. Yeah, I know, that didn’t make sense...I just wanted everyone to know how shitty Calgary is.

What I Ate For Lunch Friday - v.12.01.27

2012-01-29T16:27:00.000-08:00

Friday I helped one of my team members get closer to realizing her New Year’s resolution: Eating at every street food cart on the street food app. I let her decide on where to go and she chose Off the Truck food cart. The vegetarian black bean and yam taco is the regular and the meat selections change daily.

I couldn’t decide between the two meat selections so decided on one of each. Naturally. One was a fresh chorizo taco, topped with roasted tomato salsa, avocado sauce, onion, cilantro and lime (as they all are). The other was an al pastor taco - rotisserie pork, the usual fixings and instead of tomato salsa, a pineapple salsa. I had these bad boys inhaled within seconds. They were awesome.

Another thing that was awesome, though not my lunch on Friday, was the dinner that Batfoot served me on Saturday. The knishes from Solly’s were delicious, as always.

What was crazy good was her Caesar salad. Holy fuck, it was amazing. Normally all the flavour comes from the dressing and croutons are bland stale bites of bread. Not hers. They were garlicky as all holy hell but delicious. Seriously.

I like that the croutons were where most of the flavour came from. Normally I don’t eat the croutons and leave them to the side. Not this time. Another thing that really made this salad one of the best Caesar salad I’ve ever eaten was the plate. The surprise reptile on the plate that is actually one of my company’s critters was hilarious.

Weekend in Review v.12.01.20

2012-01-22T18:55:00.000-08:00

I had been looking forward to this past weekend for ages and it was totally worth the wait. Friday night me, Nat, Ty and Nat’s brother Bro G went indoor rock climbing. It was fun but really humbling experience. Back in the day when I was an adventure tour guide, I used to indoor rock climb every two weeks and I was pretty good at it. Ten years later (ten years!!! Holy fuck, I can’t believe it was that long ago!), I now suck at it. No, wait, not just suck, absolutely fucking blow at it.

I have discovered that I have zero leg or upper body strength regardless of the amount of yoga, fat ladies in deep water and bicep curls I’ve been doing. *sigh* I still hurt. In fact, I hurt more two days later than I did yesterday. I hurt to pull up my pants. I hurt to push the button to dispense wine from the box. That is really bad.

Saturday I had a date with my non-sexual life partner, Puss. We went to the matinee hockey game to see the Canucks slay the Sharks. Afternoon hockey win and a SIGNIFICANT improvement in beer selection at the arena made it even better. If I have to pay $8 for arena beer, you can bet that I’m not dropping that amount of money on a Molson Canadian. Stanley Park Amber Ale? I’m a little more inclined.

For Christmas my boss gave me a $100 gift certificate to The Keg Steakhouse. This seemed like the perfect day to use it. The last time I was given a gift certificate to The Keg, Puss was my date and I couldn’t even dream of bringing anyone else. We started with delightful cocktails, a Bluebery Tea for Puss (orange pekoe tea, Amaretto and Grand Marnier) and a something I can’t remember the name of for me (rum, port, fresh squeezed orange and lemon juices). Our starter was calamari because I can’t say no to squid deep fried with jalapenos and red pepper slices.

For dinner we do what we usually do: order the same thing. *giggle* It’s always by chance that we want the same. It makes sense, we’re non-sexual life partners, lol. Prime rib for Puss, sirloin for me, both with a lobster tail. Hey, we’ve got $100 of free money, we’re not skimping. Our server was amazing. Great conversation, great wine opinions and when we couldn’t make up our minds on wine, he was more than happy to bring us samples to try. We settled on a delicious bottle of malbec. It was a gluttonous meal thanks to the buttered lobster. I believe the line of the dinner/nihgt was, “I know this is butter but it’s really buttery.” (me, many wines in)

For dessert I ordered myself an Irish coffee and Puss and I each had a s’more and a passion fruit infused crème brulée. Know what I only just learned about the Puss? She doesn’t like marshmallows. Weird. I liked the s’more but would have preferred if it had been served hot, she didn’t like it at all. The passion fruit crème brulée had a really great flavour but they did what I can’t fucking stand that SO many mediocre restauratants like this one do, serve the crème brulée cold. Argh, my pet peeve.

Yes, The Keg is a mediocre chain restaurant but my steak was good and both conversation and wine flowed freely. We ate well and by the time we wandered out down the streets of Yaletown, I was stuffed and ready to be mounted (that’s a taxidermy reference, not a sexual one). We didn’t even realise that we had been there for nearly three hours. What next?

We decide to be tourists in our own city and take the aquabus over to the Olympic Village to visit one of our favourite wine stores, Legacy Liquor. After wandering around and eyeing up super expensive wines, we decide to wander over to the Anza for shits and giggles. Neither of us had been in a while so we went to say hello to some familiar faces that we haven’t seen in a while and have a beverage. Ah, the Anza, or Uncle Anza as Puss and I were calling the bar. So many memories there and now we’ve basically abandoned the bar since Puss is no longer the president of the society.

It was a fun night. The next day we were up at a decent hour and wanted to go out for breakfast. We decided on Slickety Jim’s Chat and Chew. Neither of us had been there since the original location burned down, or even to the new location that also had a fire but has re-opened yet again. One thing I’ll give Slickety’s is that I freaking love their jam, it’s more like a compote. This was a sour cherry jam that had giant chunks of cherry with just the right amount of sugar to balance the sour, so good.

I really enjoyed my fun times with Puss. We always have a great time together. So much so that we’re thinking about going to Hawaii again. We were there the winter before last and had such a great adventure. I know I just came from a beach vacation a few months ago but I could definitely go for another one with Puss. Yeah, I like the thought of being on a beach for my birthday.

Or maybe it’s just that I don’t feel like going to work and that’s why I want holiday so bad. I’m in a four day collaboration session this week, then back to the office Monday and Tuesday, a hockey game in the corporate box Tuesday night, then I fly out the next morning for a conference from Wednesday to Saturday. *ugh* Going to be so busy in the next little while so I’m going to preemptively apologise for the lack of blogging in the next little while. I’m also going to apologise for the lack of photos in this one. Instead, I leave you with a few things that have made me giggle on the interwebs in the last little while.

What I Occasionally Feel Like

2012-01-16T22:24:00.000-08:00

Sausage Bake

2012-01-16T22:02:00.000-08:00

Nat says it best so I’ll just let you read her words. If that saucy broad Nigella says yes, it’s basically like the word of God, if there were such a thing...

I was inspired to make this when I was at Hopcott Premium Meats. Sunday afternoon I got in my car and started driving. No plans, nothing in mind, I turned left and just drove. As I started approaching the boons of Pitt Meadows, how could I not turn off and hit up Hopcott?

Have I babbled about Hopcott before? I must have if I posted about that roasted corn, yellow tomato, yellow zucchini and leek soup. I had no idea what I was looking for but saw some real purdy golden beets, red potatoes and leeks and was hit with the sausage bake idea. I used the last of the sausage that I made last summer in that sausage making class that I haven't blogged about. It was really nice that the pork from the sausage making class and pork from the butchering class no longer brings any memory of the twatface of a man that I took those classes with. In fact, I don’t think of him at all. Well, except for right then.

That made me quite happy so I stopped at the boozerie and bought myself another bottle of scotch to add to the collection. The bigger the scotch collection, the higher my self esteem, right? Like how I make excuses to buy scotch for myself? The Fine Scotch Collection of the one Ms. Moonbeam Bouvier, esq. is proud to announce the arrival of the Auchentoshan Triple Wood to the family.

I first tried this one (the full one on the left) at Nat’s birthday gathering at Central Bistro in the West End per the recommendation of The Captain. Single malt, triple distilled, matured first in American bourbon oak, then two kinds of Spanish sherry casks. The box tells me this results in a whisky rich with a dark fruit, thick butterscotch and roasted hazelnut taste. My mouth tells me this results in fucking tasty and drunk.

Okay, back to sausage bake. I added a bit of balsamic to the mix, for no reason. Before:

After:

Ta-dah!

Wow, sweet roasted vegetables, beautiful bratwurst, spicy Italian sausage paired with a super gingery ginger beer (that was named after me. My moods, not pubic lice.) was close to one of the best dinners I’ve put together for myself in a while. Leftover lunch today was delightful but a ginger beer at my desk would have made it WAY better. Today definitely could have used desk liquor. All in all, delicious. *sweeping curtsey*

La Vâche Qui Rit Soup

2012-01-15T10:51:00.000-08:00

Yes, soup made with those little triangles of mooshy cheese with the red laughing cow on it. That silly French cheese that’s been around since 1921? I’ve loved it for years. Whenever I buy it, which isn’t often, I love to spread it on toast like a cream cheese.

While prowling the interwebs for my French onion soup recipe, I came across this one on the Food Network’s site. Lovely Laura Calder, aka Tits Magee, host of “French Food at Home” called this a favourite of enfants de la France. Who I am I to say she’s wrong?

When was I in France last? 2009. Fuck, really? It doesn’t feel like it was that long ago. Puss and I were wreaking havoc on four European countries and on our first afternoon in Paris we wandered upon a fantastic little brasserie/bistro that had a courgette soup. I was perplexed. Normally, I’m not a huge fan of courgette/zucchini but ordered this soup on a whim.

Amazing. It had this velvety texture to it, this delicate courgette taste that I had never experienced before. Coming from an old country background with Greek godparents that owned a restaurant (of course they did), the only zucchini I had ever tasted was soggy sticks that were really only a carrier for dipping sauce or a layer in a moussaka. I hated it. All of it. Zucchini was my enemy. Well, one of them. That’s right mushrooms and olives, I’m glaring at you fuckos.

I’m so glad that I was as open-minded and adventurous with my palate that day because that soup changed by life. I don’t hate zucchini anymore. Now I just hate poorly crafted/cooked/made zucchini. Thst experience made me look at the below recipe and not cringe, but get really excited.

La Vâche qui rit Soup

1 onion, finely sliced

2 lbs zucchini, chopped

2 c water or vegetable stock

salt and pepper, to taste

pinch cumin

4 triangles of Vâche Qui Rit

Heat oil in a large pot over medium-high heat, sauté onions. Add zucchini, salt, pepper and cumin. Add stock, note: will not cover the vegetables.

Cover and cook until soft, about 30 minutes. While waiting, make a charcuterie plate and enjoy. Below is bread, fresh mozzarella slices drizzled with oil, salt, pepper and cayenne, brie, garlic coil, prosciutto and spicy sopressata.

When it’s done it will look like poo. Very unhealthy poo.

Add cheese and purée in either a blender or with an immersion blender.

This batch makes 4 servings at 188 calories, 2.3g of saturated fat and 4g of dietary fibre. I have a feeling that vâchie vâchie soup is going to be afuckingmazing for lunches with that beer bread I made earlier this week and froze in portioned slices. You might say that I was on a soup mission in the last couple of days. Weekend soup win!

French Onion Soup

2012-01-14T00:41:00.000-08:00

Remember when I said that when Cass and I went to Mexico that we had amazing French onion soup and I wanted to recreate it myself? I did today. Didn’t have a recipe of my own but figured that’s what the interwebs is for. I had looked at a few recipes online and basically took what I wanted from each of them to make my own. Borrow, steal, whatever.

French Onion Soup

2 tbsp butter

¼ c olive oil

3lb onions, sliced thin

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 tsp sugar

2 bay leaves

3 sprigs thyme

2 c dry red wine

6 c beef stock

salt and pepper

12 toasted slices of French baguettes, ½ inch thick

2 c Gruyere cheese, grated

3 tsp Parmesan cheese, grated

In a large saucepan over medium-high heat melt the butter and heat oil together. Add the onions, garlic and sugar.

Sauté until slightly coloured, stirring occasionally.

Add the wine, thyme and bay leaves, raise temperature to high, and bring to a boil. Lower temperature back down to medium- high and cook for 5 minutes.

Add beef stock, raise temperature to high and bring to a simmer. Lower temperature to medium and simmer uncovered for 90 minutes. Remove thyme and bay leaves. At this point you can prepare/portion soup for freezing. Carry on, my wayward son, should you choose to eat now.

Preheat broiler. Ladle soup into 6 ovenproof soup bowls. Place two slices of toasted baguette onto the top of each soup blow. Sprinkle each serving with 1/3 of a cup of Gruyere and ½ tsp of Parmesan cheese.

Place soup bowls onto a baking sheet and then in oven under preheated broiler. Broil until the cheese melts, about a minute and a half.

One thing I found while trolling the interwebs for a recipe was an interesting replacement of the bread with a porcini mushroom. I thought that was a pretty great idea for people not eating bread. Not for me because I think mushrooms are fucking disgusting and the only dish they should be on is a petri, but I have two people that I regularly dine with who are doing wheat/gluten free diets right now.

Other substitutions? Should you be a vagematerian, swap the beef broth with vegetable broth.

Puss came over tonight for a hangout, soup, wine and episodes of Metal Evolution. Sam Dunn’s mini-rockumentaries fucking kick ass. I love his film making style about metal music and this series is better than “Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey” because he spends an hour exploring each sub-genre of metal (new wave of UK metal, glam, thrash *sigh, my love*, early pre-metal) rather than trying to squeeze them all in a 2 hour rockumentary film.

To go with food, wine and metal night I thought it would only be appropriate to pair a French onion soup with a French wine. Tonight’s selection was a 2003 Bourgogne Hautes-Côtes du Nuit. Wow, this was a fucking amazing pairing. The wine was soft and so plummy in flavour that it was almost jam-like. That, with not overly salty (like usual) broth, not too soft and not too firm onions, hints of herbs, all lovingly touched with wine soup. The bread on top wasn’t mushy, not like a mushy dumpling but still holding its form, especially the crusts. On top of the bread was grated Gruyere and Parmesan were just the perfect oozy gooey goodness. Just enough salt, flavour, cheesy goodness and jammy wine. Oooh, it was SO good.

So good that Puss passed out on me after 3 episodes of Metal Evolution. Well, I’m not done. It’s my Friday and I’m staying awake to play! While she’s been sleeping on me, I’ve sat here writing, watching more Metal Evolution (even though I've seen all the episodes), drinking more fine wine and watching the first Snowmageddon of the year fall. Aw, look at how excited Puss is about snow. Puss: "Zzzzzzz", lol.

Follow Up From “Beer Bread and Metal Fest”

2012-01-11T22:15:00.000-08:00

Remember yesterday when I said I was too sickypoo to make bread? Today I wasn’t quite so much crappy feeling and really needed a culinary release after having a shite day. I made the bread from yesterday’s post.

Buttery, crunchy crust, the taste was slightly sweet with a hint of the dark amber ale right at the end of the mouth flavour. Oh, it is a fucking delight. This will be perfect (frozen in portions) for when I want to take soup to work for lunch. Like the soups I plan on making this weekend.

Bread: "Do I tempt you?"

Aaaaaaand in one of those “fuck my life” moments, when you’re super busy at work, you wanted to leave early, know you’re leaving WAY too late, aggravated as hell and some fuck is repeatedly trying to print something to the printer mere feet away from you but the fucking printer is squealing like a pig, won’t stop beeping much too loud and none of those fuckers can figure out what the hell is wrong with it? All you can do is laugh when the printer is RIPing itself.

Beer Bread and Metal Fest

2012-01-10T20:29:00.000-08:00

I started reading Jeffrey Steingarten’s book “The Man Who Ate Everything” over the weekend. His entire 13 page first chapter is all about making bread. Specifically, making bread without commercial yeast and instead making a levain. As interesting as it was to read about his misadventures of starting a levain, all it really did was make me want to make bread really, really badly. And eat bread even more.

I have this recipe for beer bread that Nat gave me ages ago. Since then it has become a super easy bread staple that I’ve gone back to time and time again. I’ve tweaked it many times by adding herbs and sometimes cheese, but the classic beer bread is fucking stellar in my books. I posted a recipe for beer bread once and the biggest difference between that one and Nat’s is that in Nat’s you pour half a cup of melted butter over the top of the loaf before baking.

Sadly, I have no loving photos of fresh beer bread to show you as I have been sick and had zero motivation to make anything. Most times I’m still keen to cook or bake if I’m feeling under the weather but this sickness is wreaking havoc on my guts. I’ve been left to my own devices of reading more Jeffrey Steingarten and boring myself on the interwebs.

Hey! Guesswhatguesswhatguesswhat I found while boring myself on the interwebs??? There’s finally a fucking decent metal show coming up and I’m superdeedooper excited! Rickshaw Theatre, Saturday March 31^st (which is a bonus because going to a metal show on a school night fucking sucks), and the headlining act is Devildriver. Yay!

In total there are 8 bands on the bill (Devildriver, The Faceless, Dying Fetus, Job For a Cowboy, 3 Inches of Blood, Impending Doom, Wretched, Unleash the Archers). SO MUCH METAL! You’ll only have to imagine the giant smile on my face. Of the 8 bands on the bill, I really only know of Devildriver, Dying Fetus, Job For a Cowboy and 3IOB. Doors are at 5pm so that means that there could be some in between time where we could be just sitting around doing sweet fuck all having to watch bands we don’t know or don’t care about.

Unless…we go by my plan and make the 3 block walk to the Alibi Room. Helloooo 50 taps of local and imported craft beers and bison cheese steak. They also do really good charcuterie and cheese plates. Let’s not forget about all those beardos and the thick air of metal musk on top of great bands, great food and great beer. This sounds like an amazing day to me.

Aw, little Ash. Look at you all grown up and getting axes to the head! Alright, here’s what I’m really going to this show for.

Nerd Giggle

2012-01-08T17:54:00.001-08:00

Today’s Lunch, 2012.01.04

2012-01-04T18:47:00.000-08:00

Soooooooooup! So good on such a shitty and rainy day like today. Back to my favourite little hole in the wall, Viet Sub, across the street from work. Today I had “special beef noodle soup” and it was fun. Yes, fun! It was a build-your-own-lunch-adventure soup.

You get two bowls, bag of garnish and two different kinds of hot sauce on the side. The first bowl is a humogo pile of vermicelli noodles, rare beef, well done beef, beef balls (the three together is what makes it “special”, you can get them separate as well), white onions, green onions. Now you can build your soup with as much or as little broth as you’d like (you get a small bucket worth). Top with as much or as little of crispy bean sprouts, fresh basil and help yourself to a squeeze of lime. Add hot sauce to taste.

Man, that was tasty and I’ve been dreaming of it since I ate it. I think next time it will just be the rare beef. Well done beef was good but the steamed beef balls were not really the kind of texture I like. Sorry about the picture. It was steamy, I was in a rush to plow this into my face and couldn’t be fucked to take another picture.

The only thing that wouldn’t have made this a perfect noodle soup, besides the beef balls? If they had this posted somewhere:

Alright, off to fat class. Aqua boot camp, whale watching, fat ladies in water, whatever. I so do not want to fucking go. There’d better be a Lurking Jesus there to make this worth my while.

Biercraft

2011-12-31T15:40:00.000-08:00

For Christmas this year my former national sales director told me to go out, have a nice meal and charge up to $100 to my corporate card. Yowza! $100 for a meal on the company tab? Okeedoke!

Last night Batfoot and I decided to cash in on my Christmas dinner at Biercraft. Biercraft used to be known as Stella’s but had to change their name due to a trademark dispute. They have two locations, one on Cambie St at 17^th Ave and one on Commercial Dr at William St. I’ve been two both of them and I much prefer the location, décor and ambiance of the one on Cambie. It’s located in the heart of my old stomping grounds in the early 2000s that kind of holds a special place in my heart.

Biercraft describes itself as having over 120 Belgian and craft beers, local cask beer pourings and a regionally inspired menu of tapas and bistro food. There are so many things on their menu that I didn’t order last night because they couldn’t be eaten by my pescetarian companion. Any carnivores out there interested in joining me for beer sampling accompanied by pork lettuce wraps, maple and chipotle glazed pork belly, beer and chili braised beef brisket taquitos and charcuterie? Let me know. Note: my company will not be picking up the tab. Their tapas and beer menu is kick ass.

We started with a beer flight. With so many beer options it only made sense to start with a sampling of a few.

That’s the waitress’s handwriting and I can barely make it out and now can’t remember which beers we had. One thing I want to mention about our waitress is that she was AWESOME. She had a vast knowledge about their beer menu and was super helpful helping us pick our choices. I approve of her recommendations.

As far as food goes, we gorged. I had been looking at the food menu online for days before our dinner date and already knew what I wanted. What threw me for a loop was that they had a lamb sausage corndog on the menu that isn’t on the one online. Goddammit! Batfoot’s doesn’t eat lamb, I’m not over the moon about lamb and hastily made the decision to pass on the lamb corndog and save it for a visit with a carnivore so that if I don’t like it, it won’t go to waste.

Poutine - gravy made with a wheat beer and miso gravy. Batfoot had been dreaming of this all day. I don’t mind the miso gravy but it’s definitely not the same as a meaty gravy. I can appreciate it though. I liked the green onion topping and the cheese was amazing. If I had to make this the ultimate dish, I would add Costco’s gravy, lol.

Arancini - it’s the saffron in the rice that makes this look more like a deep fried breaded mac n cheese ball rather than a glorious rice ball. Served with balsamic cream, sweet chili sauce and parsley oil. This was close to one of the best arancini I’ve ever had but I really didn’t like any of the sauces. The delicate saffron flavour of the arancini was totally lost when any of the sauces accompanied it.

Calamari - key lime and chili dusted. *drool* It came with something they claimed was cilantro citrus aioli but it tasted more like BBQ sauce. Weird. The ringios of squidios were tasty as hell though.

Batfoot wasn’t feeling 100% yesterday and wasn’t sure she would be able to stomach mussels, for which Biercraft is known for. So I was a selfish and gluttonous meat eater and ordered the Orleans mussels. Normally I’m not a huge fan of mussels because the texture and look of them kinda reminds me of vagina and kinda grosses me out. But if I know a place does mussels well, I’ll give them ago because I do like the taste of them, I just don’t like them when they’re not cooked properly, which SO many restaurants are guilty of. My mussels were very well cooked and came with Andouille sausage, roasted corn, peppers in a Cajun cream. Holy motherfucker that Cajun cream was spicy as hell and fucking delicious. I would eat this again any day…but maybe eat a little less of everything else so that I could fit more Cajun cream soaked bread in me.

The menu also has drunken mussels (pilsner, cilantro, lime butter) and Madrid mussels (chorizo sausage, plum tomatoes, white wine, serrano chilis) that I would really like to try.

So now we’re completely full and ready to nap but no, we need more beer. Of course we do. *eye roll* We couldn’t help it, really. The menu was mesmerizing. Next up were two fine, fine beers. First the Trappistes Rockfort 8. 9.2% alc/vol with a sweet aroma of plum and chocolate. Flavour is very complex with dark malts, caramel, chocolate and comforting spices (per the menu description). I could probably drink a fuckload of these guys.

Okay, what’s next? Something different? Sure! How ‘bout La Binchoise Bière des Ours? The menu advised that it was 8.4% alc/vol, has a hint of candied sugar, mild candied lemon and light sweet honey with a minor dry hoppy finish. This it was as well as delicious. Puss, I think you would really like this one.

We get our bill and we’re only a bit over my $100 cap. In the end, it was only an extra $45 including tax and tip out of pocket. Dear jorb, it was worth it and I can’t wait to go back.

Alright, I’m out. I hope everyone has a great new years eve, that everyone is safe and has fun! Here’s where you WON’T find me tonight.

Hey, 2012! Yeah, you! I’ve got a lot of big plans for you so you take it easy this evening because I’m going to need you in top form come midnight and for the next 365 days. Thanks, Champ! *ass tap*

You Know You Grew Up in an Eastern Euro Family When…

2011-12-28T19:13:00.000-08:00

Liver sausage doesn’t gross you out. Liver sausage, liverwurst, whatever you want to call it. Pig and calf livers, hearts and then a bunch of other parts in a deliciously herbed spreadable form. Just the thought of liver sausage makes me super hungry.

Liver sausage, or paštete (pash-teh-teh) in old country tongue, was given to us on either plain bread or toast as a snack but not very often so it was more like a treat. It’s no wonder than when I felt like “comfort food” tonight that I made myself toast with liver sausage and smoked Gouda. Mmm…so good…tasty animal spread…

All I Want For Christmas

2011-12-25T10:19:00.000-08:00

For all of my adult years, when my mother has asked me for a Christmas Wish List, I’ve provided basically the same list every year.

1. A teleporter. Yes, I’m lazy. Yes, it would be great to transport myself to Paris to have a glass of wine and a charcuterie plate along the Seine whenever I’d like. Then maybe do a quick roundabout the Musée D’Orsay and go back to work. Or maybe I’d like to spend a weekend in Lagos, Portugal and relive my backpacker days (minus the bedbugs). Or perhaps I feel like Middle Eastern food. Well, where would you like to go? *port* Here you are. Then when you’re done, you can just port back to your own bed.

Mother! Why do you deny me of my Christmas wish???

I don’t even need the whole bridge. I’d be happy be with a pocket sized transporter too.

Jeez, she just doesn’t get it. I think it’s been number one on my list for at least 10 years and I guess I’m just going to have to prepare myself for another year of disappointment. Sorry Lola, don’t think I’ll make it to the mountains for Christmas dessert if my mother carries on this way.

2. House. Nothing extreme or lavish, just a decent house with a yard, huge kitchen and neighbours that are either deaf or never around. A stoop and some character would be nice. Being in the city would be great too. Something kind of like this. Damned you Vancity housing costs! A 90 year house valued at $1.5M? *shakes head*

2. A car. I’m okay with any 60s era convertible Jag, Kharmann Ghia, even a ‘vette. Red. I miss having a red car. Though my old car/girlie jeep, “Bucket”, was not a classic car, she was red, had a manual transmission and was fun to drive. I can only imagine how much more fun it would be to drive a hot classic red car with balls under the hood. Like my brother’s old 1980 Stingray Corvette. Man, that was a great ride. I want something like that.

3. Something pretty. The usual for many years has been a diamond tennis bracelet in the $30k price range. Considering I’ve lost one of my diamond earrings in my getting drunk with work people escapades not too long ago, I guess I’ll need replacements and they might as well be better. The one of the pair that I lost meant a lot to me. That pair of earrings were the first really expensive and pretty thing that I bought on my own as I became an adult and starting making a “real” living. Something that most women wait for a man to buy for them but this motherfucker bought them for herself and it meant that much more.

Hey wait, these are the same size and $300 less than the ones I originally bought for myself. Ma, you can take these off the list. But seriously, a classic pair of diamond earrings is as much of a must have as a classic pair of pearl earrings in a gal’s collection. Hey, I’m not much of jewellery wearer/collector or care about it but you have to own the basics. Metal girls like being pretty too.

4. This is when I get real. Vacuum, cast iron pan, panini grill, you know, the stuff I want/need (these are items from past years). Magically, I seem to always get this option. This year there's nothing that I really need or really want. Maybe next year I’ll be smart enough and only have point 1 on the list and maybe get it. Not holding my breath on that one...

Happy Birthday Jesus! Thanks for the four days off. (And if Christmas went the way I wanted it to..."Computer, warm beach please.")

Yesterday’s Lunch, 2011.12.23

2011-12-24T10:14:00.000-08:00

I had been wanting to eat at Falafel Maison (516 Robson St @ Richards St) since the office moved downtown but never seemed to get around to it. So many other places to go, food carts to visit or just being in a soup for lunch mood probably contributed to that. Yesterday I decided it was the day for it. There were less than 10 people on my floor at work yesterday (where there’s normally 150+) and this would be the right time to bring in something delightfully stinky.

I ordered the shawarma platter. To be honest, I have no idea what kind of meat it was but it was so tasty that I didn’t care. It could have been kittens and I wouldn’t have cared because I would have been too busy shoveling my face full of it to listen.

Random meat served over rice with sides of hummus and a super light, lemony and not overly oniony tabouleh and a pita. I’m not sure if I would call that tabouleh or just a parsley salad but still really good.

Tell me something: How badly does that feeling suck when you really really really want something, you get it and then you’re disappointed with it? Huge.

The food was so good. Tasty, exactly what I felt like eating at the time, so worth the wait. I could barely eat half of the serving but for $10, it was worth it. Then later happened. 45 minutes later I was doubled over in pain. I was in pain for three hours after. *sigh*

I hate when garbage like this happens. Why does it taste so good but then hurt later? So unfair. This also happens with dim sum every single fucking time but has yet to stop me when dumplings are involved. I will take the suffering like a Catholic.

Overall, disappointing lunch and I will most definitely never go back. Half an hour of joy followed by three hours of torturous pain was definitely not worth it.

Today's Lunch, 2011.12.22

2011-12-22T19:18:00.000-08:00

Mangal Kiss Mid East BBQ, located on Georgia St near Howe St just in front of the art gallery, was a little intimidating. Intimidating only because the font they used on their menu was nearly undecipherable.

Everything smelled so good. Everything people were walking away with looked so good. However, because I was fussing trying to get a picture of the menu and had not actually read it by the time I got to the front of the line that I got performance anxiety, got flustered and ordered the daily soup that was handwritten on a chalk board.

I’m a huge lover of soup so it’s not unlike me to have soup for lunch. This didn’t disappoint at all. Not at all. Twelve words: yam and chili spiced peaches and cream corn with warm challah bread. Oh yeah.

The soup: creamy yammy flavour with slightly spicy corn and finely sliced green onion. Though the corn and yams were puréed, some corn was reserved which gave it great texture and oh, so sweet flavour. They were like little sweet corn bombs every spoon or two.

What really made this lunch was the challah. Do you know challah bread?

A Jewish eggy and slightly sweet bread dough that is beautifully braided into the baked shape above. Seriously, I could have eaten a loaf of it on my own. The beauty part was that it was slightly grilled. Awesome. I have french toast ideas brewing.

I will most definitely go back again, if for nothing else 12 sides of challah. One piece of challah and 16oz of soup was $6.00, which makes it a pretty decently priced lunch. Next time I’ll have to study the menu pic before I walk over because I’ve got my sights sets on chicken shishlik with tabouleh, beets and…I dunno, more stuff. I’m definitely looking forward to a lemonana with a splash of purse vodka.

Nerd Excitement

2011-12-20T19:30:00.000-08:00

Really? Still a whole year to wait???

Today I brought in enough Toblerone shortbread to work for each person on my team to have a good taste and then some. I think one of them may have had 4. Yes, it was my big "fuck off" sized tupperware container. What's nerdy about this? How much I love still hearing, "Oh. My. Gawd. This is THE BEST shortbread I've ever had!" What can I say? I'm a glutton for compliments when it comes to my Toblerone shortbread. <- nerd. Still not willing to share my recipe. <- twat. The slightly blackened eye and bruised cheek healing nicely, paired with the excessive amount of liquid pouring out of my nose signalling that my brain swelling is going down from Friday night's debauchery is welcoming. <- asshat.

Yesterday and Beyond

2011-12-17T09:04:00.000-08:00

Yesterday H1 and I decided to go to Dunn's for their "famous" smoked meat sandwiches. Fail. I got the regular smoked sandwich, H1 got the "giant" version. I also added poutine to mine.

Okay, now, that was disappointing because the bread was limp and the gravy was sweet. I can honestly say that though the meal looked amazing, I threw it out by half sandwich and three bites into the poutine. That's bad. I threw out poutine and Montreal smoked meat?

In other Bouvier news, I fail at corporate functions. At the function last night, I was well on my way to being responsible, had my purse and my coat in hand at 7:30pm but then got distracted by a regional director that told me it was my "duty" to stay. Wait, my boss was at this event, he left an hour ago. I have to stay??? Riiiiiight, I'm a boss now and I have to represent. Oh, my boss was so going to regret hiring me when I found out that the bar was stocking Macallan 15, and it all went downhill from there.

I partied like I was in my 20s. I have very vague recollections of the people that left to go to the Prince show. I don't remember leaving. I have no idea where my coat is and that motherfucker has my car key, work ID and cell phone in it. When I woke this morning, my yesterday wearings and boots were on my bedroom floor. Minus all the key items I require, I guess last night was a success???

The heavy questions in my mind is why were my house keys still in the door at 7am, with door still partially open? Why did I go to bed with only a bra on? Where is my shit? The only thing I really remember is tequila shots.

More Lunchering Adventures

2011-12-14T19:32:00.000-08:00

Gyudon Ya at the corner of Richards and Robson is where lunch was found today. I thought I was going to the shawarma place next to it but I made a last minute to head to go for the Japanese "fast food" place. I'm not really sure why I changed my mind but I'm glad I did.

Grilled Short Rib bowl. Oh, yeah, that's why. Beef short ribs marinated in a garlic soy sauce. The beef is then grilled and served with sautéed onions and chopped lettuce over rice, topped with green onions. SO good and I can't wait to go back! Maybe after I hit up that shawarma joint...

Beans!

2011-12-10T10:07:00.000-08:00

I’m full of ‘em. So are the monkeys.

Oh, Kids in the Hall, you will never get old to me.

I have a birthday gathering to attend today where the hostess/birthday girl is making a shit load of pulled pork and attendants are asked to bring sides. Puss said she was going to bring cornbread, which would have been my first choice too, so I was left salivating over BBQ joints’ menus trying to decide what else I could bring. Baked beans it is.

I don’t have a baked bean recipe of my own and wasn’t really happy with anything I found online soooooooo I just kinda stole shit from other places for ideas and made it my own. I think I did pretty damned fine, thank you very much. Note: I don’t think I could ever eat this myself. Let’s say that a regular glass pyrex dish has 8 servings, this fucker comes in at 539 calories and over 8 grams of saturated fat per serving. Hahahahaha! Hey, I never said I was here to make you skinny.

If you’re at all interested in finding out the nutritional values of shit you make at home, go here. It’s handy and also really puts things in perspective. Yeah, you’re cooking at home but is it really that good for you? The beans? Not so much. Tasty? Yes.

Bouvier’s Baked Beans

1 package bacon, pieces chopped about 1” thick

1 medium onion

1 jalapeno

small tin tomato paste (how big are those small cans? 5oz?)

¼ c maple syrup

2 tbsp Dijon mustard

1 tbsp apple cider vinegar

¾ tsp salt

¼ tsp ground black pepper

2 tbsp Worcestershire

2 c pure sugar cola

¼ c brown sugar

3 x 15 to 16oz cans assorted beans (kidney, black, pinto), drained

Preheat oven to 375ºF. Oil 8 x 8 baking dish.

In a large frying pan, fry down bacon until slightly browned, still soft but not crispy. Remove bacon from pan with slotted spoon and set aside. Sautée onion in leftover bacon fat. Stir in jalapeno towards the end.

To the pan add tomato paste, maple syrup, mustard, cider vinegar, Worcestershire, salt and pepper. Add cola. Bring mixture to a boil then reduce heat to low to allow it to simmer. Let simmer until mixture becomes thicker, about 10 minutes.

Add bacon chunks and beans and combine well. Transfer to prepared baking dish. Bake until bacon is crisp and bean mixture is bubbling, about 1 hour. If mixture is dry, pour ¼ cup more cola over beans to moisten. Let stand 10 minutes and serve.

Before:

After:

Okay, excuse me, I have a nap to take. I have two and a half birthday parties to attend and people to fatten today. All with Neko Case's voice torturing my brains. This is a good thing.

Dime Rememberances

2011-12-08T18:07:00.000-08:00

Seven years ago today metal lost one of its best guitarist ever. The most sad part about the death of "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott was not only his creative and metal reviving riffs (remember the 90s were going through a real "dry" phase as far as metal goes while the masses were seeking the new grunge movement), but the way he died. Some delusional paranoid schizophrenic (no, he really was) got on stage and shot Dime in the head.

Today also marks the day that John Lennon was killed. Another revolutionary artist dead at the hands of a mentally unstable asshat. Another strange similarity, both Dimebag Darrell and John Lennon were shot 4 times. Lennon in the back outside his home in NYC, Dime in the face on stage.

Oh sadness...my favourite guitarist from my favourite band.

Revolver magazine published a great interview with Rob Halford (or Lord Leather to me) paying tribute to Dime today.

Well Then...

2011-12-06T20:07:00.001-08:00

Seeing your worth in someone else's eyes on paper has been, well, eye opening. And makes me think of Ani. A lot.

This Week

2011-12-02T19:25:00.000-08:00

Things that made me happy this week:

Metal Christmas decorations on my mantle provided by a colleague.

BBQ Viet Sub from the little joint across the street from work. So tasty that even though I was full half way through eating the sub, I pushed on until I hurt to finish it. Pork, chicken, meatballs on a baguette topped with carrots, cucumber, bean sprouts, lemongrass shoots and cilantro. I would go through the post-lunch Viet Sub pain again, no doubt.

The House Targaryen (Game of Thrones) beer steins that Batfoot and I picked up last night. Then we went for dinner at Sanafir on Granville St for the BEST scallop cevice, veggie pakoras and squid I have had in a LONG time. Seriously, all three. I didn’t take pictures because we were too busy enjoying our food and having meaningful conversation while constantly being interrupted by a waiter who couldn’t read their table which made us want to shove our forks into his eyes sockets and stir.

The awesome tea towel that Batfoot gave me as a solstice gift. I love pigs. I love her.

What I’m drinking right now because it looks like it was made by goths. Apothic Red. Actually, drinking again…

Nat and I were meant to go to aquafit boot camp on Wednesday but it was really cold, I was cranky so we went to the liquor store, picked up a bottle of this based on the label alone and spent the evening in a warm living room rather than freezing our tits off in a cold pool, followed by freezing running to a shower, with a side of being wet in dry clothes and hating life while walking from the aquatic centre to the car half-wet. That was the worst overly punctuated run-on sentence ever. I suck at grammar this week.

Things that sucked about this week:

Everything else.